The Unimog Excels

It was Friday and as usual it brings out all the idiot drivers who think them getting home is more important than everyone else, but today was different in that a storm hit and the media went into orgasms by hyping it up and kept quoting experts and not stating why they are experts and experts in what. Is there an underground school of experts somewhere churning out these alleged experts that we know nothing about.
Locally we had some flooding and nothing we haven’t had before many times over many years and today, unlike yesteryear people had common sense and drove to the conditions and took note of the conditions and allowed the time for delays, accidents, and flooded roads and detours, today they don’t seem to care as many are company cars and vans they think they don’t matter.

I broke out the Unimog and it was filled with 200litres of diesel and driven home and topped up with another 200L of transesterificated veg oil for a 400 litre mix to last the day; since becoming a Director and becoming semi retired I only work 3 days per week now and have 4 days off and Friday is visit Mother day and get some jobs done. Due to the rain it was a case of discretion is the better part of valour as my Mog has a 48” wading depth straight from the factory and as I have fitted the wading kit I can now ford up to 66” as everything is slightly pressurised so in the event of a leaking seal or cover the pressure is forced outwards and prevents water ingress into vital components, simple but very effective. I threw the recovery kit into the cab and my other half into the cab and off we went, out of the village and to the main roads, as we travelled along one we had the first prize idiot coming in the other direction driving a Jaguar F Pace doing the speed limit of 50 MPH and the car in front of me drove to the conditions and suddenly the Jag hit the water and drowned the car on front of me so I accelerated as I hit the other end of the water and drowned him as my 18” wide tyres displace a lot of water very quickly and cover a Jag with little effort and I watched him come to a halt as he drowned his engine, I just drowned the rest of his car.
As we approach the island we turn left onto the by pass and I noticed the traffic was very slow and this isn’t prone to flooding except at the other end and only to traffic coming in the other direction; as we travelled along the bypass there are some building works on one side and water filled with clay was gushing onto the bypass and those coming in the other direction has seen it and were slowing down and slowly driving around it.

At the other end of the bypass is another island and the road splits into 2 lanes, left lane straight on and the right hand lane turn right only, simple eh? Not quite as idiots go into the right hand lane, ignore the road markings and try racing and go straight on to get past you and gain a car length before becoming stuck again in traffic. Idiots were in abundance again as many were trying to get in the outside lane and go straight on and as I approached the island a Transit tried coming alongside me and racing me and a Unimog and Transit do not fit and I wouldn’t stop and give way to this idiot and he kept pipping and I carried on, in the centre of the road is a central reservation and he ended up going up that, what was the point of his idiocy? Be realistic here, my Mog has 24 gears and they are 8 in normal range, 8 working range and 8 crawler gears and as I have the high speed diffs I can do a staggering 65 MPH flat out, but I also have a shuttle gearbox and I have the same 24 gears in reverse and a reverse top speed of 65MPH and if he hit the Mog I could simply drive over his Transit and crush it and reverse back over it to ensure it was crushed. This section of road has a middle lane with chevrons so you don’t use it, it has pedestrian refuges and as we passed a refuge he tried taking his revenge and passing me, he went straight into more flood water and veered across the road and into the builders yard entrance and hit a telehandler bucket and trashed his van in the process, they have cameras on their entrance and would have caught it all.

As we approached the next island we go in the outside lane and to go straight on you need the outside lane as the inside lane runs into a filter lane for the retail park and industrial units and the outside lane splits into 2 lanes and again the middle lane goes straight on and the right hand lane goes right at the island. As I went round the island and straight on, the road bends to the left and the cars in front had stopped and at the end of the central reservation were turning round and a van was sideways on with some white flashing lights and a man wearing the obligatory Hi Viz jacket and he wasn’t police and the van wasn’t marked and the road was flooded and deep as the brook had broken its banks and was flooding the road. Having driven this road for nearly 50 years I can judge its depth from the fencing and this suggested it was around 48” deep so I selected 1st gear normal range and drove through it and the radio burst into life and my name was mentioned, at the other end of the flood was a Police car and a Discovery with a lift kit and recovery rope attached and it was my mate Andy asking if I could pull up in front of the Asda van as it was flooded and needed pulling out.

Andy is one of a little group of us who goes out recovering vehicles during bad weather and normally this is during bad ice or heavy snow conditions and my other half answered him and normally many recovered drivers donate a little cash to cover the fuel for our vehicles and Andy had attached a rope to the van but the water was too deep for his part Discovery as only the body is Land Rover. As I pulled up at the front of the Asda van Andy attached the rope to the Mog’s towing hitch and off I went and pulled the van out of the flood to a safe spot and the driver was extremely grateful and said another van was coming to take his stock and recovery were coming to collect his vehicle. As the other Asda van appeared the driver saw the now recovered van still attached to the Mog and flashed me and said he had something for us and promptly gave us a hamper of goodies which were split among us and I took mine to Mothers and gave her what we didn’t need, the van was unloaded onto the other van and Andy asked if I would return. I went to Mothers and the torrential rain didn’t stop me erecting the new railings as I had previously drilled all the concrete and fitted studs with resin anchor and it was simply a case of drop them on and bolt them down, and together; and I had my site coat which is its own little warm cocoon. Rain was torrential buy I didn’t care as I was warm and dry and it just bounced off my coat and when I finished and went into the house I got colder when I removed my coat and the house is a warm house.

Upon returning to Andy I found the Po-lice car had gone and hadn’t put diversion signs in place and there were no signs saying road flooded and again the common sense had deserted the scene as just before the flood was traffic lights which gave two options. Option 1 was to go straight on and into the flood water and if you made it the road veered right and hit the island; or you could turn right at the traffic lights and then left into the retail park and follow the road through to where it met the island, so some cones, two diversion signs and one way was blocked, simple and effective. At the island end they could have coned the road off and put diversion signs up and run the diversion from the island and into the retail park and at the other end, another diversion sign to the traffic lights, and the irony, a council depot which has all these cones and signs is less than 150 yards away from the flood.

Cars coming from the other direction were trying to drive through the water and stupidity really abounds on Fridays and this flooded Friday was no exception as very low sports cars were trying to drive through deep water even though the water was littered with swamped cars. During this Andy went into the water with my winch rope as I have a 14 tonne hydraulic winch on the front with 250 feet of rope and attached it to towing points of cars and I pulled them out and got a little cocky when Andy lashed one which had a tow bar and ran a towing strap from the first car to the second car, and another towing strap from the second car which also had a tow bar, to a third car and I pulled three out. It was like that all afternoon and the Mog excelled in winching alone. Andy had to depart and left and I returned to Mothers and later we returned home and the floods were littered with cars who had tried to get through and their stupidity really showed when low slung cars tried getting through even though much higher cars and vans were flooded and stuck and I really upset them when I drove through and around them and ignored their pleas for help to pull them out.

Ironically I noticed a couple of things and these were there were no protesters protesting about diesel and petrol engined cars as all of them were petrol and diesel engined as these can cope with wet conditions. There were no electric cars to be seen which tells its own story, that 400-800 volts DC and water do not mix and this highlights yet another safety issue with the electric cars and this is that they have another dangerous foible which can be fatal.

I have two dream vehicles , a McLaren F1 and a Unimog. sadly with my duff knee i could not even get into either.