They seem to have trouble understanding the notices so...

hears a Yorkshire version...


Dear xxxxxx,

Ey up,

Ah'm a bit fashed abaht thi claims tha's makin' 'at Ah owe thi brass to thi company o' yours. A debt Ah can't recall at all.

Tha sez tha's bought t' alleged debt from xxx bank, wi' all rights an' all.

Now then, is this claim owt tha can force through t' law? Tha needs to spit it out, "yes" or "no."

If it's a "yes," tha's bound by law to sling o'er them brass documents 'at prove Ah owe owt.
If it's a "no," tha's no reight to keep on botherin' me. Them letters o' yours are a right bother when thi claim's not legal.

Ah'm tellin' thee, xxx bank couldn't show proof for this so-called debt, coz they couldn't rustle up t' main paper, thi Original Agreement. Ah'm fash'd 'at tha's not bought any supposed deal between me an' xxx bank, but just a list of debts they reckon Ah'm behind on.

For clarity, Ah'm tellin' thee, Ah'm not thi customer, Ah've no brass wi' thee, an' Ah've not lodged a complaint. Just so tha knows, Ah'm givin' thee permission to get in touch through Royal Mail only. Mind this notice below.

Notice of Conditional Acceptance

Ah'll square owt lawful debts tha reckons Ah owe to thi company, but tha's got to show me the goods. Mind, this notice doesn't stir up any argument, so there's nowt for a court to get its teeth into.

(1) Aye or nay, d'ya have t' agreement Ah put mi name to?
Answer, it's on thi shoulders.

(2) If tha's got it, chuck o'er a 'True or Certified copy,' along wi' all t' terms and conditions laid out proper. Tell us who's put their name to it too.

(3) Confirm if thi alleged original 'note' follows standard banking rules and t' Bills of Exchange Act 1882. Is it like a promissory note or summat? Give us t' straight goods.

(4) If thi answer's "aye" to question 3, know 'at if Ah lodged that 'note' wi' xxx bank, Ah became a creditor, as Lord Denning said in one High Court dig: "We've said it in court many a time - a Bill of Exchange or Promissory note is as good as brass. It gets honored unless there's a good reason not to." Lord Denning M.R. In Fielding & Platt Ltd. v Selim Najjar [1969] 1 W.I.R.357 at 361;[1969]2 ALL E.R.150 at 152,CA. What's thi personal take on it?

(5) Acknowledge 'at if that supposed 'note' ended up in xxx bank, as per Bank of England's spiel in 2014 Q1, they "created brass outta nowt." Meaning, they just made a tab on t' books up to the face value of t' loan. So, no actual loss. Tell us under your belt.

(6) Now 'at it's clear xxx bank made brass from thin air, reckon tha should ask them how they're claimin' a loss?

(7) Know this - if xxx bank hasn't flashed that supposed 'note' at thee, there's a chance they've flogged it off or swapped it. If it's still kickin' about, anyone wi' a rightful claim could come after me. Confirm, with all responsibleness.

( Confirm if tha's got t' supposed original 'note,' and if Ah settle t' debt, would tha give it back so Ah can scribble on it mesen?

(9) Fling o'er a certified copy of any Deed of Assignment. In line wi' Van Lynn Developments Ltd. v Pelias Construction Ltd.1968[3] All 824. Lord Denning M.R. said "The debtor should see t' sale agreement to make sure t' assignee can square off under t' contract." Ah'll take a redacted version, cutting out owt about third parties. And check out Webster v Ridgeway (2009), where t' debtor can see a cut-down version.

(10) Tell us who in thi company has poked their nose into this an' reckons thi claim's shipshape, all under personal responsibility.

Ta very much,

By:

john.henry :doe

Authorised agent and representative of JOHN HENRY DOE

Non-negotiable - All rights reserved. Errors and omissions excepted. All chunterin' noted.


perhaps a southern version ...

Dear xxxxxx,

Oi,

I'm a bit bothered about the stuff you're saying, that I owe a bit of dosh to your company. A debt I can't remember at all.

You're saying you've bought the alleged debt from xxx bank, with all the rights and that.

Now, is this claim legally enforceable? You've got to spit it out, "yes" or "no."

If it's a "yes," by law, you've got to provide the financial papers to prove I owe something.
If it's a "no," you've got no right to keep bothering me. Your letters are a right nuisance when the claim's not legal.

I'm telling you, xxx bank couldn't show any proof for this supposed debt because they couldn't provide the main paper, the Original Agreement. I'm worried that you haven't bought any supposed deal between me and xxx bank, just a list of debts they reckon I'm behind on.

Just to be clear, I'm not your customer, I've got no dosh with you, and I've not made a complaint. Just so you know, I'm giving you permission to get in touch through Royal Mail only. Check this notice below.

markdown

Notice of Conditional Acceptance

I'll square up any lawful debts you reckon I owe to your company, but you've got to show proof to me o' the goods. Note, this notice doesn't stir up any argument, so there's nothing for a court to get involved in.

(1) Yes or no, do you have the agreement I signed?
Answer, it's on you.

(2) If you've got it, chuck over a 'True or Certified copy,' along with all the terms and conditions laid out proper. Tell me who's put their name to it too.

(3) Confirm if the alleged original 'note' follows standard banking rules and the Bills of Exchange Act 1882. Is it like a promissory note or something? Give me the straight goods.

(4) If the answer's "yes" to question 3, know that if I lodged that 'note' with xxx bank, I became a creditor, as Lord Denning said in one High Court dig: "We've said it in court many a time - a Bill of Exchange or Promissory note is as good as dosh. It gets honored unless there's a good reason not to." Lord Denning M.R. In Fielding & Platt Ltd. v Selim Najjar [1969] 1 W.I.R.357 at 361;[1969]2 ALL E.R.150 at 152,CA. What's your take on it?

(5) Acknowledge that if that supposed 'note' ended up in xxx bank, as per Bank of England's spiel in 2014 Q1, they "created dosh out of thin air." Meaning, they just made a tab on the books up to the face value of the loan. So, no actual loss. Tell me under your belt.

(6) Now 'at it's clear xxx bank made dosh from thin air, reckon you should ask them how they're claiming a loss?

(7) Know this - if xxx bank hasn't flashed that supposed 'note' at you, there's a chance they've flogged it off or swapped it. If it's still kicking about, anyone with a rightful claim could come after me. Confirm, with all responsibility.

( Confirm if you've got the supposed original 'note,' and if I settle the debt, would you give it back so I can scribble on it myself?

(9) Fling over a certified copy of any Deed of Assignment. In line with Van Lynn Developments Ltd. v Pelias Construction Ltd.1968[3] All 824. Lord Denning M.R. said "The debtor should see the sale agreement to make sure the assignee can square off under the contract." I'll take a redacted version, cutting out anything about third parties. And check out Webster v Ridgeway (2009), where the debtor can see a cut-down version.

(10) Tell me who in your company has poked their nose into this and reckons the claim's shipshape, all under personal responsibility.

Cheers,

By:

john.henry :doe

Authorised agent and representative of JOHN HENRY DOE

Non-negotiable - All rights reserved. Errors and omissions excepted. All chit-chat noted.

for the scotts...

Dear xxxxxx,

Aye up,

I'm a wee bit perturbed about the chit-chat you're having, claiming I owe a wee bit o' dough to yer company. A debt I can't seem to recall at all.

Ye say ye've scooped up the alleged debt from xxx bank, with aw the rights and such.

Now, is this claim legally enforceable? Ye need to spill the beans, "aye" or "nae."

If it's a "aye," by law, ye need to hand over the financial papers to prove I owe somethin'.
If it's a "nae," ye've got nae right to keep pestering me. Yer letters are a real bother when the claim's not legal.

I'm tellin' ye, xxx bank couldn't show any proof for this supposed debt because they couldn't provide the main paper, the Original Agreement. I'm bothered that ye haven't bought any supposed deal between me and xxx bank, just a list of debts they reckon I'm behind on.

Just to be clear, I'm not yer customer, I've got nae cash with ye, and I've not made a complaint. Just so ye ken, I'm giving ye permission to get in touch through Royal Mail only. Take a butcher's at this notice below.

markdown

Notice of Conditional Acceptance

I'll square up ony lawful debts ye reckon I owe to yer company, but ye need to show me the goods. Note, this notice doesn't stir up any argument, so there's nae need for a court to get involved.

(1) Aye or nae, dae ye have the agreement I signed?
Answer, it's on yer shoulders.

(2) If ye have it, chuck over a 'True or Certified copy,' along with all the terms and conditions laid out proper. Tell me who's put their name to it too.

(3) Confirm if the alleged original 'note' follows standard banking rules and the Bills of Exchange Act 1882. Is it like a promissory note or something? Give me the straight goods.

(4) If the answer's "aye" to question 3, ken that if I lodged that 'note' with xxx bank, I became a creditor, as Lord Denning said in one High Court ding: "We've said it in court many a time - a Bill of Exchange or Promissory note is as good as cash. It gets honored unless there's a good reason not to." Lord Denning M.R. In Fielding & Platt Ltd. v Selim Najjar [1969] 1 W.I.R.357 at 361;[1969]2 ALL E.R.150 at 152,CA. What's yer take on it?

(5) Acknowledge that if that supposed 'note' ended up in xxx bank, as per Bank of England's spiel in 2014 Q1, they "created cash out of thin air." Meaning, they just made a tab on the books up to the face value of the loan. So, nae actual loss. Tell me under yer belt.

(6) Now 'at it's clear xxx bank made cash from thin air, reckon ye should ask them how they're claiming a loss?

(7) Ken this - if xxx bank hasn't flashed that supposed 'note' at ye, there's a chance they've flogged it off or swapped it. If it's still kickin' about, onybody wi' a rightful claim could come after me. Confirm, with all responsibility.

( Confirm if ye have the supposed original 'note,' an' if I settle the debt, would ye give it back so I can scribble on it masel?

(9) Fling o'er a certified copy of ony Deed of Assignment. In line wi' Van Lynn Developments Ltd. v Pelias Construction Ltd.1968[3] All 824. Lord Denning M.R. said "The debtor should see the sale agreement to make sure the assignee can square off under the contract." I'll tak' a redacted version, cutting oot onything aboot third parties. An' check oot Webster v Ridgeway (2009), where the debtor can see a cut-doon version.

(10) Tell me wha' in yer company has poked their neb intae this an' reckons the claim's shipshape, aw under personal responsibility.

Cheers,

By:

john.henry :doe

Authorised agent and representative of JOHN HENRY DOE

Non-negotiable - Aw rights reserved. Errors and omissions excepted. Aw blether recorded.

Its a great way to explain what is going on - in many dialects.. you could only inject that much humour because you have a clear and detailed knowledge of the scam. As I read it, it gets clearer and makes me smile !!

aye lassie!

Hilarious Lops!